Novotny, Alex. (2009). Colleges with Canon

One Halloween Alex Novotny decided to be a vacuum cleaner salesman. In fact, every time he and his mom would go into Walmart, he instructed her to walk with him down the vacuum cleaner aisle. Something about their power and construction fascinated him. Today his major has changed quite drastically to theatre with a plan of going to law school after. But, why does he want to go to law school? Why is he majoring in theatre before? Why did he change his mind from being a vacuum cleaner salesman? The goal of higher learning institutions still says that academics remain the top priority. However, today’s undergraduate colleges are no longer enough, have become a business, and produce cloned beings. The canon must change.

Thirty years ago going to college sat planted in many high school seniors’ daydreams while they were waiting to walk across the stage dressed in their graduation robes. Almost anyone can go to college today. Last year, Oklahoma State University lowered their ACT acceptance score from 21 to 19. While these students will be on probation, they are still official students. Almost 20 million young adults study at various degree granting institutions all over the country. Compare that to the 12 million attending in 1980. With this increase in enrollment, a bachelor’s degree now means what a high school diploma used to. Norms now require pupils to go into some sort of graduate program. High school graduates dreaming of a four-year degree couldn’t have even imagined they could go on to graduate school. Now, they almost can’t live without it; it’s almost a law.

When schools began, students were actually paid to attend. As time passed, teachers were paid instead of students, and students ended up paying to receive an education. College tuition increases every year, while where that money is spent is rarely revealed. Yet, everyone who wants to go to college does. So, why not charge more for the highly sought piece of paper stating one’s educated? The FAFSA creates an opportunity to help poor families receive an education as well as the more affluent. Basically, if a family makes less than $20,000 a year, their kids can get a higher education for free. Instead of the consumer paying for the product, the government pays for the individual’s education, meaning the fortunate’s taxes pay for the not-so-fortunate. Colleges are businesses seeking the one thing all businesses desire: profit. No matter if their students receive governmental aid or pay with mattress packed cash, the university still gets paid at the end of the day. Instead of the original idea of students getting paid, colleges have turned into money making machines.

This past summer the Oklahoma Senate passed a bill that stated human cloning was illegal in Oklahoma. While actual human clones do not exist, psychological ones do. Two places in the United States print money. Their customers are the reserve banks, twelve across the nation. Every year, these twelve banks come up with a number that tells the money printers how much to print. Each year the Fort Worth Treasury prints billions of dollars, and every year they reach their quota. Colleges also have a quota to fill. Every year various people retire or change careers, and then, new jobs open, requiring fresh faces. Most of these jobs, though, necessitate a college degree. That’s where the idea of psychological cloning comes from. Each May, the freshly produced psychological clones are ready to enter the world fulfilling the quota the colleges were given. Every engineer, architect, graphic designer, fashion merchandiser or theatre major walks with a cloned twitch in their step. Their actions, thoughts, and ideas rarely differ from those of previous graduates. They jump onto the cycle of life, and keep pedaling till it’s their turn to vacate for retirement. If only the Oklahoma Senate knew how hard it would be to stop cloning, maybe they would notice the problem with current canon and morph it into something more useful.

The current standards of universities around the United States seem to have dropped into an abyss of mystery. A four-year degree, no longer enough, makes students challenge themselves to longer intensive study. Money seems to be the only thing on college’s minds, and their use of cloning keeps the money rolling in. Alex wants to go to law school, so he can be successful in a world that demands it. Alex is majoring in theatre, because he wants some part of his education to be in something he loves. Alex changed his mind to make more money, so he wants to go to law school. Money equals victory. Making money has been conditioned to be an essential to live the life. Colleges using the current canon destroy little dreams, dreams like Alex being a vacuum cleaner salesman.